motherhood - Jean M. Hodges

Mother Love, a poem by Jean M. Hodges

I can’t tell what my birthmother was thinking

When she nearly died having me

Like I can’t tell what Christ’s mother was thinking

When she risked dying having him

Now, I’m not arrogant enough to compare myself to the Savior

But I know for a fact that love was Mary’s guiding light to do right by her child

And that she was glad to see the person her little Jesus grew up to be

And that has taught me some sort of empathy

As for my own mother, well…

If Jesus could forgive the woman at well of Jacob

Then I must know that I can forgive the woman who has granted me everlasting life, right? But-

This might be the nineteenth time she’s forgotten about my birthday

Which wouldn’t be that big a deal if I wasn’t barely over two decades old

Last year, she sent me a letter preaching forgiveness and to get over my own anger

When I know for a fact that you have to feel something for someone in order to get angry at them

And that letter is at the bottom of a box somewhere, packed away with my hopes for a life with her in it

And I didn’t think about it again til spring came along with my birthday coming along with it

And now I realize that all the ‘I love yous’ she has left for me weren’t really for me

They were for the baby she left gasping for air in a hospital bed

And I am still trying to be at peace with that

THE END

Original publish year: 2018

(c) Jean M. Hodges

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